The love I have for Rukhsar is one of the greatest loves I’ve ever known.


The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

I have made a lot of mistakes in our relationship. I chose others that did not deserve to be chosen over you. I took advantage of the love you had for me. But, in 2017, I have finally learned the significance you have in my life, how much you mean to me, and the things that you have done for me.

When I first met you our sophomore year, I don’t remember you at all. A picture proves our first meeting, and yet the only conversation I remember is with another person. You remember the interaction like it was yesterday, and it makes sense there’s a picture to prove it — photographs capture your feelings, the moments that take your breath away, that make you feel whole. At the moment, I usually find it annoying. But with 2017 as a shit show as it was, your pictures — filled with memories that live in the crevices of my consciousness — were a source of comfort, a source of pride. Each image, each memory reminds me that one of the greatest miracles of my life was God bringing you into my life.


2017 brought you changes. Rapid changes, and sustainable changes, that even Superman would be overwhelmed. You gave me the gift of being there, with you, every step of the way. I have never wanted to fiercely protect someone as I have tried to protect you, to the point where I feel physical pain in the few times you have shown it. I have yelled at people, strangers, for issues over pronouns and identity because of you. I fight for love because I have a physical manifestation of this love here on Earth: you.

I watched you act as a figure of strength and act as a role model to a child, not your own, and see her pure love emanate toward others only because of your presence. I have watched you struggle as many of your friends leave and you create an identity from that pain, one that is your own and one that is powerful. When I feel fearful, I think of your immeasurable courage, and suddenly, I have nothing to fear. There is nothing I HAVE to worry as long as I have you by my side, encouraging me every step of the way.

2017 brought me confusion, genuine pain and love as I struggled through romantic relationships, and you were there every step of the way. You always knew when I needed to watch a Bollywood movie when I needed to cry but couldn’t. You bought me food when even I forgot that I hadn’t eaten that day. You sent me flowers for any occasion. You forgave me for things I only realize now I must apologize for, the pain that I have inflicted on you in our almost four years of friendship, in all of my mistakes. Never in my life did I feel that I deserved something as good as you, and yet, here you are.


Thank you for being an unconditionally loving being. Thank you for your unwavering loyalty, no questions asked. Thank you for watching Game of Thrones so I can FINALLY talk to someone about it.

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